Things are a little bit sad in the life of Kate Green now, but really, in the scheme of things, it's such a first world problem. I'm sure most people have had to let go of someone they care about a lot but I haven't had to up until two days ago. I think I'll probably end up writing this post really cryptically and not understand what I was on about in a year's time, but what's a blog for if it's not for my, um, "creative" musings.
The main gist of this is that I care about a particular guy a lot. I've been lucky enough to have had him in my life for over a year but now we've kind of reached a stage where things should go one way or the other. The long and short of it is that we want different things from each other and rather than stay close friends, we've made the decision to move on from each other. Perhaps this is sounding really melodramatic but I'm a lot sadder about this than I thought I would be. It's been less than forty eight hours but I miss him already. Oh so tragic.
I'm not sure exactly how this is going to pan out, given that we live 0.9 of a mile away from each other, we go to the same running event every Saturday, and that we have a lot of mutual friends. We also happen to be going to the same place on holiday in a couple of months' time, so it's obviously not the last I'll see of him. But, somehow, it feels like the end of an era. The time frame I'm talking about it one year, so I'm not really sure if that qualifies as an era.
In this time, though, he's become as important to me as my best friend is, and I love him as much as I love her. I know we're only young, we're only eighteen, but I think I'm always going to care about him. I love him, but I'm definitely not in love. I'm glad I can make that distinction because I feel like love is a bit more permanent than being in love, which I see more as lust. I don't know.
What I do know, however, that this is a really pathetic post. Is it almost worth agreeing to something you don't want if it means you get to keep the person? Because it's definitely not fair to keep "seeing each other" for nearly a year if it's not going anywhere. And that's what this is about. I'm not sure if it qualifies as leading each other on, but it seems more fair to sort of let it all go so we can each move on. "Conscious uncoupling", if you will!
I hope this hasn't been too dreary or melodramatic a read, and that you don't think I'm really pathetic. Hope you're all having a swell May so far.